Tragedy: 10 Ways to Start Healing

In a few days we will be remembering a tragic event in the history of our country. September 11, 2007 marks the sixth anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center. Collectively, we watched in horror as these magnificent landmarks were destroyed in an act of violence and we knew instinctively that our lives would never be the same. In one split second, our sense of security and safety was shattered.

Tragedies of this magnitude can shatter our personal lives too. When someone close to us dies, gets injured, or violated, our world gets shaken too. The fact that a personal crisis touches only a few lives rather than thousands doesn't minimize the damage it does. So what do you do when you are faced with something that shakes you to your core? Here are some ideas that may help:

1. Take a moment to reflect on what was lost. This could be a life, a sense of safety, or innocence. A minute or two of quiet reflection allows you to connect with a higher energy and may bring some calmness to your chaotic emotions.
   
   
2. Honor your loved one. Remember him or her in ways that are meaningful to you. Light a candle, say a special prayer, pore over pictures, or visit a place that meant something to him or her. Acts such as these will bring comfort and a sense of connecting with the spirit of your loved one. I'm sure you've heard the saying "the spirit never dies". It doesn't! His or her spirit lives on in the ones left behind.
   
   
3. During this time when your emotions are raw and you are feeling most vulnerable, remember to practice extreme self care. This means to honor what you need at the time that you need it. If you want to take a nap, go ahead and do it. Or take a bubble bath, or read a good book, or have a cup of soothing tea. Whatever nourishes and replenishes your soul. After all, if you do not take the time to take care of yourself you cannot take care of anyone else properly. This is not being selfish. It is a necessity!
   
   
4. When you are suffering from a personal crisis, it's hard to see the bright side of things, but try. Make a gratitude list and add to it every day. When we do this we bring more joy and happiness into our lives. This takes the focus off of our worries, concerns, and heartaches and allows us to focus on good things so we can bring more of that into our lives.
   
   
5. Another helpful exercise is to journal. Journaling helps to get your feelings and emotions out of your mind and onto paper. Just let your thoughts flow freely onto the paper without editing them. You don't have to show this to anyone so you can say whatever you need to make yourself feel better. Another benefit to journaling is that you can go back at a later point and see how far you've come on your journey to healing. You have a written record of all the hard work you've done. And it is HARD work!
   
   
6. Do something nice for someone else. Consider volunteering or even just helping out a neighbor. When we take the focus off of ourselves and place it on someone else miraculous things happen. The Law of Attraction states that anything we give our attention, focus, and energy to, whether it is positive or negative, we get more of. When we give to others selflessly, we receive back so much more than we put out.
   
   
7. During times of tragedy, it's easy to pull away from the people that we love. We think that by isolating ourselves we will be protecting our wounded hearts. The opposite usually happens and we feel even more alone than before. Reach out for support from family and friends. After all, they are suffering just as you are and if you all band together it just may ease the pain for all of you. There is strength in numbers, as the saying goes.
   
   
8. We all crave connections with others. It's part of our human nature. It's especially important in times of tragedy. The greatest gift of intimacy is to receive and give support, love, and nourishment to your friends and family in stressful times. Being there with a shoulder to cry on, a hearty casserole for dinner, or help mowing the lawn is a simple act of kindness because it is one person's heart connecting with another's. That is true intimacy!
   
   
9. Consider forgiveness. Is it necessary? Is there someone that needs to be forgiven for their part in your crisis (including yourself)? Determine if you really want to forgive. As Dr. Phil says “you can't change what you don't acknowledge.” Making the decision to forgive is often the most important step because it will lead you to making a commitment to forgive. That gives you a starting point.

Remember that forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself and not to the other person. You were the one affected by the tragedy, betrayal, offense, or abuse. If it feels right to you to forgive, do it.

Remember to forgive yourself for your part in the betrayal if there is any. Betrayal between adults is very rarely one-sided (I am NOT referring to issues of child abuse or molestation where an adult preys on a child. That child carries no responsibility for the actions of the adult because he or she cannot give consent and is, therefore, the VICTIM of the abuser.) Be gentle with yourself. Try to think of the betrayal as a learning opportunity for the future.

If you are struggling with forgiveness, check out some resources on the Internet or in the bookstore or library. There are wonderful books that have been written in both the spiritual/religious and the secular veins. You are bound to find a few that will help. The same thing goes with the Internet. There are some great websites out there and there are also message boards and forums where you can connect with other people who are struggling with the same issues (for example, cheating spouses).

Once most of the healing has taken place and you feel ready to move forward you can start celebrating life again. Undergoing a personal crisis means that you have been changed. You will never be the same as you were before the event. This doesn't have to be a negative thing. Often, we are changed in ways that we never imagined possible before the event happened. Is it time to make some new goals to reflect the changed you? Take the time to recognize your priorities and make goals that are in alignment with them. You may even come to believe that the crisis turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

I would like to stress that in no way do I want to minimize the tragic events of September 11 by comparing them to a personal crisis. My only goal for the article was to show you that a personal crisis can have as much of an impact on the lives it touches as a national crisis did on all of us. Tragedy is tragedy no matter how you look at it. My hope for you is that you find peace, hope, and truth in your personal crises.

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