Loving Yourself First: Ten Tips to Creating a Fulfilling Relationship With Ourselves

It's that time of year again when our thoughts turn to love.  We cannot help but think of love when the stores are filled with hearts, flowers, teddy bears, and chocolates all professing undying love.  The most common love that we think of when thinking of Valentine's Day is romantic love, the love we have for our spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend.  This is the kind that the merchants promote because it is so lucrative.  The merchandise flies off the shelves to prove our love in a tangible way to the ones that we love.

There are lots of different kinds of love but I think that the most important one is the love that we have for ourselves.  After all, it is the root of all other kinds of love.  We cannot truly love another human being until we love ourselves.  Whether we are in a relationship or not it is important to love ourselves.  If this is hard for you to do, here are some tips to help you:

• Remind yourself that you are perfect just as you are.  There is no one else on this planet like you.  We tend to forget in the hustle and bustle of everyday life that we are miracles of life.  Remember this, you are a miracle!
  
  
• Make a list of your talents, accomplishments, and successes.  What is special and unique about you?  If you're not sure ask a trusted friend or family member what they see in you.  Sometimes we have talents that we don't even think of because they come naturally to us but other people that don't have these talents think they are special.  Make that list and revel in your uniqueness!
  
  
• Make a gratitude list and add to it every day.  When we do this we bring more joy and happiness into our lives.  This takes the focus off of our worries and concerns and allows us to focus on good things so we can bring more of that into our lives.
  
  
• We all have negative self-talk that runs through our minds every day.  Most of it in unconscious so when something does surface and we hear it we want to write it down.  Keep a notepad with you and jot down the negative talk that you are saying to yourself.  At the end of the day go over the list and decide if it is true for you or not.  If the same self-talk comes up for you again, jot it down again and see if it is still true for you.  If you do this list for 90 days, you'll change your beliefs about yourself.
  
  
• If self-esteem is an issue for you that you want to work on, do some reading on the subject or take a class.  Lots of libraries and community colleges hold classes on self-esteem.  There are wonderful books out there too that will help you build your sense of self.  Check them out and take advantage of these invaluable resources.
  
  
• When someone gives you a compliment accept it.  They have given you a gift and it is rude to refuse it.  Sometimes we want to make a negative comment after someone pays us a compliment.  Don't!  They are sharing a piece of themselves with you.  By accepting the compliment we are honoring them and ourselves.
  
  
• Honor all of the different kinds of relationships that you have, whether it is with your spouse or romantic partner, kids, pets, parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, or acquaintances.  They reflect the love you have for them back onto you.  You are lovable.  Believe it!
  
  
• Forgive yourself for past mistakes.  This is sometimes the hardest thing to do.  We are often able to forgive others quite easily but when it comes to ourselves we hang onto the guilt and shame.  Remember that we are exactly where we need to be right now.  We were exactly where we needed to be then too.  There was a lesson that we had to learn by making that mistake.  Hold on to the lesson and leave the rest behind.  Our mistakes have made us the people that we are today.  Be grateful for them.
  

• Take time for extreme self-care.  This means to honor what you need at the time that you need it.  If you want to take a nap, go ahead and do it.  Or take a bubble bath, or read a good book, or have a cup of soothing tea.  Whatever nourishes and replenishes your soul.  After all, if you do not take the time to take care of yourself you cannot take care of anyone else properly.  This is not being selfish.  It is a necessity!
  
  
• If you are without a romantic partner for Valentine's Day, do something special just for yourself.  Call up a group of friends and have a Un-Valentine's Day night out.  Or make a special meal for yourself and a friend.  Or spend it alone if you choose.  Rent a good movie and make a big bowl of popcorn.  Whatever you do, treat yourself.  You do not have to have a romantic partner to be happy with yourself.  Remember by February 15 it will all be over.

It has been said that all humans crave connection with others.  I think that we also crave a connection with ourselves.  We want to know who we are and what we bring to the world.  When we have done this inner work we are able to make deeper connections with other people.  We are able to love them freely and accept their love.  When we receive love from someone else, whether it is from an adult, child, or pet, we are being intimate with him or her.  Receiving love is intimacy.  We are accepting a part of them and sharing a part of ourselves with them.  It's a heart to heart connection, something that all of us strive for.  Remember, loving yourself first is the key to loving others fully!

Wishing you many heart to heart connections on this Valentine's Day!

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