Special Articles

Loving Yourself First: Ten Tips to Creating a Fulfilling Relationship With Ourselves

It's that time of year again when our thoughts turn to love.  We cannot help but think of love when the stores are filled with hearts, flowers, teddy bears, and chocolates all professing undying love.  The most common love that we think of when thinking of Valentine's Day is romantic love, the love we have for our spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend.  This is the kind that the merchants promote because it is so lucrative.  The merchandise flies off the shelves to prove our love in a tangible way to the ones that we love.

There are lots of different kinds of love but I think that the most important one is the love that we have for ourselves.  After all, it is the root of all other kinds of love.  We cannot truly love another human being until we love ourselves.  Whether we are in a relationship or not it is important to love ourselves.  If this is hard for you to do, here are some tips to help you:

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Summer is here! 10 Ideas to Make Your Summer Memorable

In a few short days the seasons will turn from Spring to Summer.  This is the time of year that everything relaxes.  The kids are out of school, The commitments that we have during the year are put aside until the Fall.  We get to take our annual vacations.  The daylight hours are longer so it seems like we have more time for outdoor activities like barbecues, picnics, festivals, and hanging out with friends.

The leisure and relaxation time that we get during the Summer is our reward for working hard the rest of the year.  Because there is very little or no routine we have the ability to design our days the way we want to.  By now you've already made arrangements for the kids, so what are you going to do for yourself this Summer?  Here are some ideas to make your Summer special and memorable:

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Independence Day: Declare Your Independence Create the Life and Work You Love and Feel the Freedom!

July 4th is fast approaching and as we prepare to celebrate the birthday of our independence from Great Britain in 1776, I'm reminded of the lessons of our forefathers.  They fought so that we could have freedom; so that we could declare our independence and create the life and work we love.

How is that going for you?  Do you have a life that you love?  Is your work fulfilling and fun?  Do you have the freedom that you crave?  If not, it might be time to take some steps in that direction.  It's not as difficult as you may think to focus on your priorities and make the change necessary to meet them.   Here are some ideas to get you started in re-creating the freedom that comes from aligning who you are with the life and work you love.

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It's Time to Vote! Ten Tips for Getting Involved in Your Community

As we approach Town Meeting Day here in Vermont (on March 6 this year) my thoughts turn to community involvement.  Last time I talked about leadership in your families.  Today I want to talk to you about leadership in your community, in other words community involvement.

In case you didn't know, Town Meeting Day is a state holiday where most organized towns in Vermont (and other New England states) will elect municipal officers, approve annual budgets, and conduct any other necessary business.  Town Meeting Day is very important because it gives us a chance to give voice to our thoughts on how our town or city should be run.  It is our civic duty to vote.  I'm always of the mind that if you do not vote then you have no right to complain about the choices made by those who do vote.

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Planting the Seeds of Change: Ten Tips for Nurturing Budding Ideas

As winter winds down and we are on the cusp of spring, my thoughts are turning to new beginnings. Spring is the time that we throw off the shackles of dark, dreary days, coldness, and hibernation and revel in the warmth of the sun, new flowers, and the promise of new birth. The
days are getting longer and everyone seems to be walking around with a smile on his or her face. Winter is finally over!

This is one of those perfect times of the year when everything feels new and fresh and we can see the possibilities for the future. Do you have a budding idea that needs to be nurtured? Is there a breakthrough coming that you can sense but has yet to be revealed? Spring is the perfect time to allow these to come to fruition. Here are some tips on making those ideas possible:

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Veterans Day: Lest We Forget

November 11 is fast approaching.  This is the day we honor and remember those men and women who gave their lives so that we may have freedom.  Veterans Day, which was once called Armistice Day, marks the end of World War I on November 11, 1918 (the 11th hour, of the 11th day, of the 11th month).  Armistice Day was officially named in 1926 by a Congressional resolution.  In 1954, President Eisenhower proclaimed the name Veterans Day to honor all soldiers who had fallen while in service to their country.

These men and women bravely gave their lives so that you and I could experience freedom.  They believed in hope for the future.  They believed in their country.  They believed peace was to be cherished and protected.  How can we remember those who sacrificed their lives?  Here are some ideas:

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Thanksgiving: Spreading Thankfulness Throughout the Year

IThanksgiving will soon be upon us and with it the start of the holiday season.  Always celebrated in the United States on the fourth Thursday of November, Thanksgiving is the day where families and friends gather to give thanks and celebrate the conclusion of the harvest.  Nicknamed "Turkey Day", it's a wonderful opportunity for loved ones to spend time together and share a festive meal.

On Thanksgiving, our thoughts naturally turn to thankfulness, gratitude, blessings, abundance, and prosperity.  Although we only celebrate the day once a year, we can make every day of the year a day to be thankful for.  Here are some ideas to ponder:

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Tragedy: 10 Ways to Start Healing

In a few days we will be remembering a tragic event in the history of our country. September 11, 2007 marks the sixth anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center. Collectively, we watched in horror as these magnificent landmarks were destroyed in an act of violence and we knew instinctively that our lives would never be the same. In one split second, our sense of security and safety was shattered.

Tragedies of this magnitude can shatter our personal lives too. When someone close to us dies, gets injured, or violated, our world gets shaken too. The fact that a personal crisis touches only a few lives rather than thousands doesn't minimize the damage it does. So what do you do when you are faced with something that shakes you to your core? Here are some ideas that may help:

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Great Leadership! Ten Ways to Demonstrate Great Leadership to Your Family

As we near President's Day in the United States we often think of the great men who led our country. On Monday, February 19, 2007 we will be honoring George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and all of the other great presidents who have helmed our country. These men have demonstrated great leadership for our nation but on a smaller scale are those men and women who provide great leadership for their families. Here are some traits of effective leaders that can be easily adapted from the world of business to the world of your family:

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Let Freedom Ring: Living the Legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

These inspiring words are from one of the most famous speeches of the 20th century.  Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered this speech on the steps at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C. on August 28, 1963 and his words mobilized a nation.  Dr. King lived and died by these words.

On this day, January 15, 2007, the day he would have turned 78, we celebrate the man and what he stood for.  He believed that all people were created equal.  There were no differences between the races.  We are all just people.  We have the same needs, wants, and loves.  When we are injured, we bleed the same.  When we are hurt, we cry the same.  When we are in love, we love the same.

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Broke Another New Year's Resolution? Try a Technicolor Vision Instead

How often do we make resolutions for January 1 with the full intention of committing to them and by February 1 they are dead in the water?  If you're anything like the typical American, I would say that more often than not you have the same resolutions year after year after year.  Is it to gain financial control of your life?  Do you want to lose weight?  Do you want to get more organized?  Do you want to quit smoking?  These resolutions top most of our lists come January 1.

January 1 seems to be the preferred date for us to begin new habits.  It's the beginning of the New Year and likely in the past week we have been reflecting on what we didn't get done during the previous year.  We vow to change our lives and we are committed to that change.  So what happens between January 1 and the day that we drop those fledgling habits?  Procrastination!  Let's face it; making changes to our lives is hard work.  We often resist it.  Or we aren't committed to the change because it is for someone else.  Or it's just easier to stay in bed on a cold morning than head out to the gym.  So we put it off year after year and feel even more guilty about it.

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Labor Day Celebrates Your Labor: Perspectives on Why You Work

Historically, Labor Day was the celebration of the contributions that American workers made to benefit the social and economic strength, prosperity, and well being of our country.  Currently, it is a celebration of the last long weekend of the summer and a chance for families and friends to get together before the routine of school and work starts again.

I'd like to focus today on your labor.  How do you view your work? Do you enjoy the job you are doing?  Does it stimulate and enrich your life?  Does it excite you?  What motivates you to work?  Here are some of the reasons why Americans work:

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When Mother's Day Brings Sadness: Tips To Help You Survive the Day

On Sunday, May 13, 2007 we will celebrate the day that honors all mothers.  Although many nations celebrate their own versions of Mother's Day throughout the year, in the U.S. it is always the second Sunday in May.  The first national Mother's Day was proclaimed by President Woodrow Wilson in 1914 to honor those mothers who had lost their sons in the war.  Today, it is a reason to give flowers, gifts, and a night out of the kitchen to our beloved moms..

On Mother's Day, our thoughts naturally turn to all the wonderful and loving things our mothers have done for us throughout the years.  We think of the sacrifices they made to feed us, clothe us, and educate us.  We think of the unconditional love that they showed us when we were being bratty little kids and the patience and worry they had for us when we were rebellious teenagers.  During our growing up years we knew we were loved.

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Adding Peace to the Holidays

The month of December tends to be a whirlwind of parties, shopping, cooking, and cleaning.  Each culture has certain traditions that members feel obliged to conform to.  We often feel frazzled by the preparation leading up to the special day.  Do you ever wish you could just say, "Stop!  Let me off this ride!"  Here are some ways to add a bit of peacefulness back into the holiday:

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From Darkness to Light: Finding Your Path

As Autumn's chill fills the air and Winter fast approaches, it's only natural that our thoughts turn to darkness.  The days are getting shorter.  It's usually dark when we leave for work in the morning and dark soon after we get home.  We're heading into the time of the year when we want to snuggle into our warm homes and hibernate.

With so little precious daylight, it's easy to feel sad and negative.  We depend a great deal on the sun to elevate our mood and when the days are dark and dreary, our mood can take a nosedive.  How can we find comfort and strength in these dark days?  Consider these ideas:

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Forgiveness: A Gift You Give to Yourself

For those of us who celebrate the birth and death of Jesus Christ, this is a very significant time of the year. Easter is the most important religious holiday to Christians around the world. In a few days, on Good Friday, we will reflect on the day that Jesus died for our sins. Then we will celebrate his rebirth on Easter Sunday thus giving us hope of everlasting life after death.

The underlying theme around Easter is not about candy or chocolate or the Easter bunny. It is not about death or sorrow either. It's about rebirth, second chances, and forgiveness. Jesus forgave those who betrayed him.

But how do you forgive someone who has betrayed you, lied to you, or cheated on you? When you've been stabbed in the back by a trusted friend, how do you turn the other cheek? When you've been abused and mistreated, how can you learn to forgive your abuser? It's not easy but it can be done. Here are some tips that might help you on the path to forgiveness:

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Beginning Your Journey of Self-Discovery

Columbus Day is about to descend upon us.  In 1937, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt declared each October 12 to commemorate the landing of Christopher Columbus in the Americas in 1492. Since 1971, the day has been celebrated on the second Monday in October (which happens to coincide with the Canadian Thanksgiving). 

Columbus Day is the perfect time to take stock of your inner landscape and re-discover who you are.  Here are some ideas to start your own journey of discovery:

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Celebrating the Reasons for the Season

December 25 is fast approaching and with it all the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.  This is the time of year when we can get frazzled with all the preparations we have to do.  We're running around buying the latest toys for the kids.  We're cleaning and decorating the house for parties and gatherings.  We're cooking and baking up a storm.  In between all these extra activities, we still have to keep up our regular day-to-day tasks, like work.

With the commercialism of Christmas rampant in our society these days, it's helpful to remember the important aspects of the season beyond acquiring the latest toy for the little kiddies (and big kiddies.)  Here are some that I can think of off the top of my head:

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Fall: A Time for Play

Fall is here now and the evidence is all around us of the change from Summer to Autumn.  The nights are colder and the days are getting shorter.  The air feels crisp instead of sultry.  The leaves on the trees are starting to change colors and soon will be red, orange, and yellow instead of green.  Stores are bedecked with Halloween goodies.  New crops of apples are being displayed in grocery stores as the Fall harvest gets underway.

This is a time of year to celebrate the beauty of nature before Winter is upon us and we snuggle deep in our homes.  Here are some ways to celebrate the glory of the season:

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Put a Spark In Your Days: Nine Ways To Shake Up Your Routine

As summer draws to a close September in many ways is like starting "a new year", our thoughts naturally turn to the idea of routines.  Soon the kids will be going back to school and we parents will be returning to work.  We'll be facing things like back-to-school shopping, packing lunches, and checking homework.  The stuff of everyday life.

Summer fun is over and now it's time to get back into the swing of things.  Routines can be comforting but let's face it, they can also be boring.  You don't have to count the days until the next summer vacation.  You can shake up your routine right now.  Here are some ways to put a spark in your days

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What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage
By AMY SUTHERLAND
Printed in the New York Times, June 25, 2006

AS I wash dishes at the kitchen sink, my husband paces behind me, irritated. "Have you seen my keys?" he snarls, then huffs out a loud sigh and stomps from the room with our dog, Dixie, at his heels, anxious over her favorite human's upset.

In the past I would have been right behind Dixie. I would have turned off the faucet and joined the hunt while trying to soothe my husband with bromides like, "Don't worry, they'll turn up." But that only made him angrier, and a simple case of missing keys soon would become a full-blown angst-ridden drama starring the two of us and our poor nervous dog.

Now, I focus on the wet dish in my hands. I don't turn around. I don't say a word. I'm using a technique I learned from a dolphin trainer.

I love my husband. He's well read, adventurous and does a hysterical rendition of a northern Vermont accent that still cracks me up after 12 years of marriage.

But he also tends to be forgetful, and is often tardy and mercurial. He hovers around me in the kitchen asking if I read this or that piece in The New Yorker when I'm trying to concentrate on the simmering pans. He leaves wadded tissues in his wake. He suffers from serious bouts of spousal deafness but never fails to hear me when I mutter to myself on the other side of the house. "What did you say?" he'll shout.

These minor annoyances are not the stuff of separation and divorce, but in sum they began to dull my love for Scott. I wanted, needed, to nudge him a little closer to perfect, to make him into a mate who might annoy me a little less, who wouldn't keep me waiting at restaurants, a mate who would be easier to love.

So, like many wives before me, I ignored a library of advice books and set about improving him. By nagging, of course, which only made his behavior worse: he'd drive faster instead of slower; shave less frequently, not more; and leave his reeking bike garb on the bedroom floor longer than ever.

We went to a counselor to smooth the edges off our marriage. She didn't understand what we were doing there and complimented us repeatedly on how well we communicated. I gave up. I guessed she was right ? our union was better than most ? and resigned myself to stretches of slow-boil resentment and occasional sarcasm.

Then something magical happened. For a book I was writing about a school for exotic animal trainers, I started commuting from Maine to California, where I spent my days watching students do the seemingly impossible: teaching hyenas to pirouette on command, cougars to offer their paws for a nail clipping, and baboons to skateboard.

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Stop Clutter Before It Starts!
Identify, name and notice hoarding patterns
and habits and
Replace them with habits of intention and ease.

Feel better one sock drawer at a time!

It is said a person with an orderly home has an orderly mind and a person with a messy home has a creative mind, but even the creative go nuts and has their limits and needs for structure.

Save yourself time; rejuvenate your self daily by adopting new patterns and habits. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again! Never give up the ship! Ok, ok, ok

l. Watch your mouth and language.
Bag the use of the words “for now” in your mind. When you say “for now,” it means you are planning to go back to it again later, and put it in its proper place. Do two things instead.
a) Get into habit of putting it in its place straightaway
b) Put it in a basket or bucket with a commitment to deliver the items to their permanent destination within 24 hours.

2. Get hip with the new digs
or Institutionalize proper storage equipment.
a) Keep big wastebaskets in every room and use them at least once every day.
b) Buy filing cabinets, plastic bins for keeping paper records. Divide and organize by categories. If you have one piece of paper that does not fit, then create a new category and folder for it. Avoid stacking miscellaneous. papers in one pile. File financials and taxes in separate tax years and discard those years that are over the obligated time to keep them. Remember the rule: touch the paper once and find a home for it.

3. Oh no! Not another one!
Give yourself permission to pass on an unwanted gift to someone who could use it or enjoy it, including the eager buyer at the Salvation Army Store.

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Three Ways to Deal with Your Clutter

l. Let Nature-Take-Its-Course or Abdicating-Decision-Making method.

Dan and I cleared our basement out one summer, and everything we thought we would use in the future was put in our friends’, Gary and Lynn’s, barn 25 miles away. The barn had no heat and there is still some horse hay left from a decade ago strewn on the dirt ground. We could even see light coming through the slats of the barn boards. That was 7 years ago. Today, we can’t remember more than two items that we stored in that barn. We think it is the red metal children’s bed and that paper poster of the Beatles. All of it is mildewed and rotting from the elements.

When Dan said, let’s get our stuff out of Gary’s barn and have a barn sale, I looked at him and said. "We need help." Let’s hire a professional organizer coach which will help get our thinking straight as well as our clutter out and gone.

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Start to End the Clutter

Prepare, Prepare, Prepare. 90% of the work is in preparing emotionally and physically for eliminating clutter. Here is a structure to guide you.

1. Center yourself with a mantra, or sitting, standing, lying down, jumping up and down, or any kind of meditation.

2. State your intentions on paper and out loud to someone. “I intend to easily and happily get through that pile of papers on the desk right now and use the sorting boxes I have to organize what I do”, “I will not pickup an item or a piece of paper more than once. I know my choices and options for where all will go. I embrace letting go and feel the abundance and space that opens up in my heart and in my life.”

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